A home-study student writes: while we were married, my wife an often exchanged angry and hurtful words. Very often, I would pound things (desk, kick a chair) because I so desperately wanted to avoid hitting her.Cognitive learning theory in the classroom all of that changed when she hit me. At first I was stunned, but then, very predictably, I became angry and I shoved her back against the wall.Cognitive learning theory in the classroom from that point on there were many instances when I acted violently or aggressively toward her. I never hit her with my hand, just pushed her around.Cognitive learning theory in the classroom I was so ashamed of my behavior (after sanity returned) but it was so hard to avoid it. I tried timeouts, but she would not respect them and it became progressively worse.Cognitive learning theory in the classroom

Though there are many reasons for getting angry – you don’t have to stay angry and you don’t have to experience ill-effects from anger. The goal of what’s good about anger is to show that anger is a complex emotion and a force that can be used for good.Cognitive learning theory in the classroom healthy anger transformed into assertiveness, problem-solving and conflict resolution strategies can help you reach your goals effectively and live a more satisfying life.Cognitive learning theory in the classroom

“blind rage”… hummm… good way to describe the gut, physiological response produced by the emotional center of the brain (amygdala) when it is not kept in check by the frontal cortex of the brain.Cognitive learning theory in the classroom hate to be so clinical – but, I think that’s the result when you respond to anger triggers without any intervention by the thinking/judgment part of the brain.Cognitive learning theory in the classroom

Yes. The response could also have to do with a “throw-back” to the past when you were abused and mistreated. All those memories and feelings return with full-force.Cognitive learning theory in the classroom but, since he is verbal abuser – your feelings of helplessness and shame from the put-downs came to the surface. These are just some random thoughts.Cognitive learning theory in the classroom more importantly, blind rage can be controlled. And you need to talk and work more with your psychologist about this so it doesn’t happen again.Cognitive learning theory in the classroom li sten to the road rage tirade!And road rage remedy podcasts to gain more insight into how to retrain your brain for better control over anger!Cognitive learning theory in the classroom read the blog post on controlling anger and rage for more help.

Each time this situation happens it brings me closer and closer to acting on my rage.Cognitive learning theory in the classroom I’ve been struggling though this problem that has been troubling me since my early teens that persists till today. I just hope that I’ll always be able to control my rage cause my patience with people is wearing dangerously thin.Cognitive learning theory in the classroom when I snap there will be requiem to pay. Any suggestions for how to deal with this? Struggling

Dear struggling friend, I wonder if you would be willing to start changing yourself?Cognitive learning theory in the classroom you can’t change others or the way they treat you – but, you can start working on building your confidence and controlling your anger. Actually, concentrating on yourself will help defuse your anger.Cognitive learning theory in the classroom anticipating the way people will treat you is triggering anger prior to any stressful event occurring.

Expect disappointment but, don’t let it overwhelm you.Cognitive learning theory in the classroom people will disappoint us and let us down. That’s a fact of life. Maybe you have suffered from some abuse or discrimination. But, you are valuable.Cognitive learning theory in the classroom you have talents and a unique personality and gifts. You have a god-given purpose for living! Because of these and other reasons – the way people treat you should not control how you feel about yourself or your emotional response.Cognitive learning theory in the classroom

What makes you angry? Disrespect, loud noises, unfriendly, self-centered people, put-downs, rude behavior, people who break the rules? Anger is normal and it is an energy which can help you accomplish goals.Cognitive learning theory in the classroom but, if you can’t detect your anger in the early stages – you may find yourself over-reacting when something or someone triggers you.

A while ago I cut somebody off in traffic and this person was upset.Cognitive learning theory in the classroom this person pulled up beside me at the next traffic light and I apologized but this person wasn’t having it. They started swearing and threatening me and usually in the past I would get out and this person would be eating through a straw for the next month.Cognitive learning theory in the classroom I couldn’t help myself but to start getting angry and yelling comments back at this person. Eventually we just drove on. Any advice to help me keep control next time?Cognitive learning theory in the classroom anon

How about writing out the road rage event and identifying what you were thinking. Most likely, you had “hot self-talk”. Hot self-talk will cause you to react more angrily than you normally would.Cognitive learning theory in the classroom maybe you began saying to yourself- “I can’t let him/her disrespect and humiliate me that way!” “I’m going to tell him off!”, etc. It’s time to start thinking differently.Cognitive learning theory in the classroom

How about considering what is going on with that other person. Maybe he/she has a mental problem or has had a very stressful day. Maybe you could have counted to ten and just kept silent knowing that yelling was not going to help and actually could escalate the situation.Cognitive learning theory in the classroom how about telling yourself that “this person isn’t going to get my goat.” or putting yourself in their shoes. There’s a reason they got so mad – that doesn’t mean it was justified or acceptable but, you did cut them off.Cognitive learning theory in the classroom

© copyright 2018 by lynette J. Hoy, NCC, LCPC, CAMS-V. Lynette is a marriage and family counselor with counselcare connection , national certified counselor, certified anger management specialist-V and diplomate with the national anger management association.Cognitive learning theory in the classroom she is the co-author of what’s good about anger? And a speaker for professional, community, women’s and church organizations.