My mother tells the story of how she met my dad; she didn’t want to go to a party and her mother said, “you never know who you’ll meet, you should go.” she went and of course, the rest is history.Cognitive learning theory in the classroom wouldn’t you know, the same thing happened to me. I was tired from work and was going to blow off a potluck dinner invitation when my mom said to me, “go, you never know who you’ll meet.” I met my husband at that dinner.Cognitive learning theory in the classroom this story ran through my head as I was preparing for an adult client the other day, not because she is looking for a meaningful intimate relationship, but because she experiences difficulty in initiating tasks and seeks meaning in her life.Cognitive learning theory in the classroom things get in her way; negative self-talk, the feeling that she isn’t good enough or that it won’t matter. But the truth is, you really never know what will happen if you try something or go somewhere that your brain is resisting.Cognitive learning theory in the classroom focusing on what you think should happen and the likelihood of that happening is the wrong focus. Concentrating on the process instead, not always thinking about what should happen or what could happen, may result in a very different goal, a goal that is better than the one initially envisioned.Cognitive learning theory in the classroom

My client is a gifted woman identified with ADHD. She loves to read and write, hike and travel. But she sorely misses meaning in her work and in her life in general.Cognitive learning theory in the classroom as I reviewed notes from our first session, I discovered a relationship between her negative self-talk and task initiation. The juxtaposition of a need for meaning and the ADHD executive functioning challenges, left her immobilized.Cognitive learning theory in the classroom whatever the task is that is difficult to start; social interaction, writing, beginning a large project, this profile needs an extra push to get over the hump of resistance.Cognitive learning theory in the classroom

As adults we can’t always identify why we feel so strongly about doing or not doing something. It’s hard to give the reasons for why something is so existentially important to us – that’s the essence of existentialism.Cognitive learning theory in the classroom because ‘meaning’ is so important and so big and inherent to who gifted and 2e people are, the fear of failure affects the ability to initiate actions that might help us connect.Cognitive learning theory in the classroom work becomes routine; it can feel like trading money for time which seems so shallow to deeply committed adults. The connection between our unease and disillusionment isn’t always apparent.Cognitive learning theory in the classroom we just know we feel bad. For a gifted or 2e child, schoolwork is often rote. The child won’t necessarily understanding the organic level of frustration and demoralization he feels from repetitive and meaningless tasks.Cognitive learning theory in the classroom he just knows he’s sad and anxious.

There is this vortex of wanting meaning, not sure how to find it, thinking of ways to make a difference but then experiencing a deep fear that efforts will go unanswered and feelings worsen in the end.Cognitive learning theory in the classroom those who struggle with initiation think to themselves, “I don’t have time,” “it’s not worth it because it won’t lead to anything,” “I can’t make a change,” “I won’t fit in,” “no one will talk to me,” “I won’t like anyone there,” “I’m just one person and I don’t have the right training,” and on and on.Cognitive learning theory in the classroom

Positive self-talk is essential, and I practice it with many clients. Statements like “I am okay. Everything will work out,” “I must face my fears to overcome them,” and “I cannot allow anxiety to influence my behavior” are all typical positive self-talk suggestions for people who suffer from anxiety.Cognitive learning theory in the classroom the first step in breaking the cycle of resistance and participating in something meaningful, is to find internal motivation. We can’t always rely on someone else to give us a pep talk, and since overthinking often comes with a 2e mind, I’ve structured some simple reframes and sentence starters to get over the hump of the “why bother” attitude many 2e folks develop after trying and failing to find meaning in their lives.Cognitive learning theory in the classroom

Some of the funniest moments are from mistakes made. Everyone loves outtakes at the end of movies. It’s all about the slip and falls, the misread line, the physical humor of tripping, falling and crashing.Cognitive learning theory in the classroom it’s not that you failed at something, it’s how you handle that failure. Mistakes and mishaps afford an excellent opportunity to show one’s character.Cognitive learning theory in the classroom

This last one, of course, precludes us from performing surgery on a whim, but I don’t think we have to worry about that. So often that daunting task is blown out of proportion in our heads.Cognitive learning theory in the classroom for instance, some 2e folks struggle with making friends. It’s hard to find common ground or it’s frustrating when the person we are with doesn’t have deep thoughts or is focused on something we see as superficial.Cognitive learning theory in the classroom my suggestion is to find something you love (as an adult or child) – whether it is hiking, biking, writing, board games, D&D, photography, music, nature, travel – and join a club based on that theme.Cognitive learning theory in the classroom you will immediately have something in common. Think of two or three questions to ask – make them about what you are doing. “have you ever done this before?” if they answer yes, ask where, when, and what was it like?Cognitive learning theory in the classroom if the answer is no, ask how they found out about it. If they ask you a question, ask them the same question back. Many people love to talk about themselves.Cognitive learning theory in the classroom if you don’t, you can keep the focus on them by asking questions about their experiences, their feelings or their opinion.

Let’s say the effort is to join a club that does meaningful service work coupled with something you love like being outdoors.Cognitive learning theory in the classroom first, identify the thought that is getting in your way. Ask yourself, “what am I thinking about.” maybe the thought is “this is meaningless I’ve tried things like this before and they never turn out.” okay, that’s your thought and you’ve just identified it.Cognitive learning theory in the classroom next, challenge the thought. “is it true that everything I’ve tried before has failed? Have I really tried this specific thing?” then, modify the thought.Cognitive learning theory in the classroom “this type of thing makes me uncomfortable, but I know I really want to do it and I’ve prepared specific things to ask or say to start a conversation.” lastly, replace the thought.Cognitive learning theory in the classroom for example, “this is worth the try.”

Gifted and 2e people, young and old(er), seek meaningful engagement at work, in connecting and in learning.Cognitive learning theory in the classroom sometimes we are our own worst enemies standing in our way because we’ve experienced discomfort before, we have a hard time finding interest peers, or we feel we could do the thing better than the organizer.Cognitive learning theory in the classroom we’ve all been there. But if we stop trying, we cut ourselves off at the knees and we perfect not trying rather than putting ourselves in situations that could possibly lead to meaningful experiences.Cognitive learning theory in the classroom know that you are armed with strategies to help with the discomfort and go forth. The bottom line is every failure brings you closer to success – connections don’t happen in a vacuum and you never know who you will meet, or who will introduce you to something or someone that could change your life.Cognitive learning theory in the classroom that one good move will cause all the past “failures” to melt away and be worth it.